Breathing Space

So maternity leave is officially over and I'm back at work (though since it's the Easter holidays I don't have to face the trauma of leaving my babies for another two weeks yet). It's so tough being a working mum - you really want to stay with your little ones every moment, despite all the trials and tribulations, but financially it would be tough and in some ways it's good for them to experience being away from mummy for a little while as it prepares them for the inevitability of separation when school starts.

This is something which is coming up way too soon, I will be a mess come September when J goes off to school in his uniform and I am not the person that he spends most of his day with any longer. A real watershed moment. He drew this little picture the other day - the first that really looks like something, and has started to come home from preschool talking about friends he has made and games he has played. He is really turning into his own little person, which is wonderful, but also bittersweet as he is growing further and further away from that tiny baby I brought home from the hospital.

Anyway, I'm trying to half-heartedly sell the return to work to myself with the prospect of being able to buy yarn for projects without too much guilt. I may even treat myself to some Malabrigo Rios with my first proper pay-check. In the meantime, I've been undertaking what will probably be my last big knit before work begins, Breathing Space by Veera Valimaki. I'm knitting it as part of the Interpretations KAL on Ravelry, and there are some lovely and diverse examples of the garment as everyone puts their own spin on it with colour choice and adaptations.

I have chosen to use Knitpicks Hawthorne fingering, shamelessly copied from another knitter on Ravelry (though she later decided not to use the yarn for her project after all!). I like the yarn - it's quite crunchy, but not too rough, and the speckled yarn is lovely. The shades I have used are Blackbird and Graffiti. The new Knitpicks UK website is proving very tempting at the moment - I have some Chroma Fingering and Stroll Tonal lined up for knitting socks after this project.

As always will Veera's patterns, it's so easy to follow and I love the interesting techniques - the short row stripes add interest and a touch of quirkiness to the project. I have been using Japanese short rows on all my projects that require them recently, as I find them neater, though if anyone can tell me a way to close the gap effectively after the short rows are finished and you go back to knitting in the round again I'd love to hear it - I'm always left with an ugly hole no matter what I try.

 

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An Extremely Busy Year!

So it's been another year without an update, but with a very good excuse as I've been getting used to being a mum of two. I'll be honest, this has been a lot harder than becoming a mum of one. People talk about the upheaval of becoming a mum for the first time and yes, it's different and sometimes hard, but I had been looking forward to having a baby so much that everything paled into insignificance compared to the joy of having him there.

This time, looking after the new one was pretty easy, but dealing with a now three year old whose life had been turned upside down was not so much fun, and was accompanied by constant mummy guilt that I couldn't be two people at once and give them both the attention they deserved. Couple all this with a husband completing a PGCE and starting a new job and J starting preschool last September and all in all its been stressful and challenging and non-stop at times. But I wouldn't change it for the world!

Here is a pretty recent photo taken by my sister in law of me and E, who is now 9 months old - can you believe it? I won't share too many photos of her on here for obvious reasons, but I felt introductions were necessary!

This photo actually doesn't look that much like her to me, as in reality she has the cheekiest face and happiest smile. She is so different to her brother in lots of ways - way more active, independent and social than he was. I don't think I have done anything differently in bringing them up, so it must just be down to personalities. They get on well, though it can be a bit of a love-hate relationship for J, especially as she is starting to crash in on his games and slobber on his toys (which he hates!).

So, as this is basically a crafting blog I want to get back to sharing my forays into my various hobbies. I think I had been knitting on the endless stocking stitch tube that is Boxy last time? Suffice to say it finally got finished and has been worn several times and I love it! I'll share another post on it soon.

I've also still been hooking the interminable ripple blanket which is pretty big now but still not finished! It gets plenty of use though, J cuddles in it most mornings and it often gets used for den building and other games, so I'm not too worried - I'll work on it as and when.

In the meantime, a lot more projects have been both cast on and finished. Probably the most recent one is the gorgeous Juniper by Veera Valimaki. Veera is probably my favourite designer on Ravelry and I'm so pleased with the garments I've made from her patterns. I've been rubbish at getting Ed to take photos of my finished objects though, so these were the best selfies I could manage with my iPhone!

I knit this inside out, which was a steep learning curve and probably means it's full of mistakes, but it really extended my skills and challenged me to understand my knitting rather than mindlessly follow a pattern, so it's all good experience. And there was no way I was doing all that purling! The yarn is Malabrigo Sock in Lettuce. It's the first time I've used Malabrigo yarn and I loved it. The colour is stunning, it just glows! And the yarn is soooo soft, it was a pleasure to knit with. I may have ordered hanks of two more colour ways as a result of this knit (whistles innocently).

I've got a gorgeous jumper in Sublime Superfine Alpaca dk on the needles right now - just need to finish the second sleeve. It's really cosy and a tighter fit than most of the garments I've knit recently but I think I like the change. May need to buy some boot cut jeans to style it with though...

After that, I think I've got a design from one of these little beauties on the cards:

Veera and my second favourite designer on Ravelry, Joji Locatelli, have released their Interpretations collections as three print books via the PomPom Press. I just had to get my hands on them and I'm so pleased I did - the designs are beautiful. I plan to knit Breathing Space from Interpretations 3 as part of the Interpretations KAL on Ravelry. I doubt I'll finish it by the end of April but it might incentivise me a bit!

I've got loads more knits to share, but will have to do this after I have grabbed some decent photos of them - I will get on it in the next few days. Hopefully I can keep up a little blogging momentum again, as it is lovely to read back over my posts and remember what we have been doing, but I know how easily time can move on when I have two little people clamouring for my attention!

 

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Reflections

Every now and then I get the urge to return here to my blog. Sometimes it's because I've been feeling especially creative and have lots to share. Sometimes it's because I'm feeling sociable and want to reach out to all the people who share similar interests to me (or who read my blog for other random reasons!). And other times it's because I feel the way I do now.

I've been struggling a bit. There has been a lot going on in my life over the last year. Things that have been difficult and stressful and at times even traumatic, though ultimately very positive. Exciting and happy times lay ahead. I may share them here soon.

But getting to that point has taken a lot from me. I feel like my natural creativity has been sucked out of me somewhat. I feel like I have lost the happiness that I used to find in the everyday things - in particular my work.

I have been teaching since my PGCE in 2004. Despite a couple of difficult years learning my craft, I came to enjoy what I did. Kids enjoyed my lessons. I know because they told me. I enjoyed coming up with different ways to teach things. I enjoyed telling the stories and little anecdotes that helped make history come alive.

When I returned to work after my maternity leave just before summer in 2013, I had completely lost my confidence in myself. The first time I stood back in front of a class, I burst into tears afterwards. The world of teaching had changed for me. I felt like I had to measure up to something and prove myself. I felt like I had to fit my lessons to a certain mould. I couldn't teach in my way any more.

I got through last year by working harder than I ever have (despite being part-time!) and desperately trying to jump through the ever-growing number of hoops that seem to be placed in front of teachers these days. Teaching in this way didn't feel natural to me. I couldn't get a sense of flow. I was terrified of being accused of talking too much - the latest big no-no in the teaching world. I stopped having the long discussions that used to form a large part of my lessons. I stopped enjoying passing on my love for and knowledge of my subject.

A few weeks ago I had an observation that seemed to confirm my feelings. It was 'good'. Not bad in itself, but hardly inspirational. The trouble is, while some valid points were made, I disagree with quite a bit of the spirit of the feedback. I feel like we are trying to create a version of what teaching has to be in order to be effective. But there are so many ways to skin a cat. Last year I achieved outstanding sixth form results. I did not teach in the way that would have (currently!) achieved me an outstanding lesson observation. And yet it worked. My students did extremely well. They learned what I wanted them to. We enjoyed our lessons. Isn't that a sign of effective teaching?

And yet I find myself with my confidence in my abilities now at rock-bottom. Why have I allowed myself to feel like this based on other's opinions when I have plenty of evidence of the good I have achieved with my pupils? Partly it is what the government has done to the profession. Performance related pay and continual scrutiny have made it feel like teachers are in a goldfish bowl at all times, waiting to be pounced upon for failure. The word 'good' in relation to your work now means 'not good enough'. The passion and individuality feels like it has been replaced by fear and conformity.

This may be an over-reaction on my part. But it doesn't deny the fact that this is the way I feel. And it is no reflection on my school, which I feel is one of the best around. It is a reflection of the current environment of the profession. It is a reflection of my own self-esteem in returning to the classroom. It is a reflection of the difficulties of balancing home and work life and being a working, part-time mum, especially with small children.

So what am I going to do about it? I don't want to leave a job that I have loved in the past. I am fairly certain that, as is the way of these things, it will change. Things will come full circle. Someone will tell us that another way of teaching is more effective. We will move on. I will learn to love what I do again. And the only way to deal with it is to keep on doing what you know works, what inspires and engages, what reaps results. Even if this doesn't tick all the boxes of current educational dogma.

So why blog about this? Well, I sat down the other night and thought about the things that make me happy. That put work in perspective and give me balance. And it ultimately comes down to two things - my family and my hobbies. Spending time with my loved ones is always a joy. I love to watch my little boy grow and change and discover the world. Lately I have been so caught up with worrying about work, I haven't done that. I have allowed my worries to stop me from sleeping and stop me from taking pleasure in the everyday activities - a trip to the park, rhyme time, choosing books from the library, coffee and cake at the cafe. I need to embrace the little things again.

And I also need to be creative. At a time when I feel my creativity is stifled at work, it is even more important that I give it an outlet at home. I haven't done anything creative now for about two months. This isn't good for my health and wellbeing. I know books need to be marked and lessons planned. But ultimately, a stressed and unhappy teacher leads to stressed and unhappy pupils who won't learn as well as they should.

To that end I've decided to try to finish a few WIPs. I'm going to share them here. It will hopefully give me the impetus to actually finish some of them!

The first is a shawl I started knitting for my mum. I whizzed through the first half in a few days, then inexplicably put it down at the halfway point and haven't picked it up since. The yarn is some gorgeous Araucania Botany Lace which will look lovely when finished and blocked. I need to get this done!

Next is my Lady Penelope cardigan, made in beautiful Sublime Lustrous Extrafine Merino dk. Completed the back, both fronts and one and a half sleeves! Why did I put this down? The colour is divine and I know it will look fantastic (even if I messed up the lace decreases at the front...).

Next up is a pair of socks. The colours are garish (half price yarn at Hobbycraft) but the first sock fits like a dream and I got so far as finishing turning the heel on the second. I only have the foot to knit. One and a half socks are somewhat useless...

Finally we have this beautiful little jumper for J. All the knitting is done on this one. It just needs sewing up. It's been sitting there since March. Surely this is an easy win?!

Writing this blogpost has been cathartic in the build up to another busy half term at work. I need to get some perspective, I need to realise what is important, and I need to make sure I don't put myself under the kind of pressure that makes me an unhappy and unhealthy individual. I'm hoping that getting back to blogging and sharing my hobbies, a process I always used to enjoy, will help me to do that.

 

 

 

 

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Cables and Twists

Today I thought I'd share a project I completed a few months ago - my Folklore Cables and Twists jumper by Sublime yarns. It's knit in Sublime Chunky Merino Tweed which was recently discontinued so there were a lot of bags of it floating around the Internet going cheaply. I picked up a couple of colours, including the lovely bright pink shade Dilly.

The Cables and Twists jumper turned out to be a bit of a steep learning curve. I had cabled before but never so many different types on one garment - it could be difficult to keep track of the pattern which ran over something like 26 rows, each one a little different, especially when tired.

Suffice to say I made a few mistakes. Some weren't that visible such as some around the neck shaping, so I left them as a fitting tribute to my cabling education. Others were obvious, such as a knit stitch on the purl section or a completely forgotten cable crossover. This taught me some other tricks for correcting mistakes in your work - I unravelled the offending stitches right back to the offending row and then reknit them all the way back up again. It doesn't look perfect, but it's better than the original mistake! I also had the common problem of a loose stitch on the left of each cable. Is it true you can knit into the back of a stitch to tighten it? I'm not sure, but I was never able to solve this problem.

When I had finally finished the knitting and sewing up, I tried it on and realised it was way too short for my liking. I had achieved the correct tension by going up a needle size, so it wasn't that. I can only assume that either I have a long body or I just don't like the fashion for short jumpers that seems to be prevalent in a lot of knitting patterns these days. I just don't see how it is flattering to stop half way down your waist - I like to have at least a bit of my hips covered.

I knew that in its current state I would never wear the jumper, and after all that work I wanted at least to be able to wear it casually/around the house even if it wasn't fit for best. So I took a deep breath and made the scary decision to cut into my work and pick up the stitches above the bottom ribbing, with the help of the excellent Tech Knitting blog. This was not the easiest project to do this with as the cables started just above the rib, so I have to admit I fudged it a bit. Since the garment was already sewn together I just unpicked the seam to above the section I was cutting, then knit downwards in rib in the round. It does all sound a bit botch job, which it is, but it turned out alright and you would have to look closely to see the errors.

I used every last scrap of yarn to add length, even the unravelled pieces. I added about two inches, and would have added more if I had any yarn left as I still think its a bit short. But I was proud of myself for actually cutting my knitting and for all the techniques I had learned.

It's not my favourite jumper - it looked good in the book on the skinny model but the cabling on the arms and drop shoulders make me look a bit like a rugby player, especially combined with the short length! I will have to be more careful with my pattern selection in the future. But it's soft and warm and fine for sobbing around the house in.

In other news, J's Stripy Jacket is finished and I have cast on something new...

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owls

There can't be many knitters out there, at least those who frequent Ravelry, who haven't heard of Kate Davies' infamous owls jumper. There was even a bit of a furore recently when a certain department store appeared to have copied the design.
Several of my friends had already knitted the pattern, and last year I decided it was about time I had my own version.
I chose Jarol Sweet Briar Chunky, mainly because that is what my friend Rachel had used for hers, in a silver grey colour. The whole knit is more or less seamless, with the body knit in the round and the sleeve stitches picked up and also knit in the round.

The knit took hardly any time at all, but it was a bit of a learning curve for me as a fairly inexperienced knitter. The magic loop sleeves have a very tight column of stitches where I overcompensated at one of the ends by pulling the yarn too tightly. I messed up one section of the short row shaping, leaving a bit of a hole. The cast off neck edge is a little tight. And the less said about the underarm graft the better!

However, for all it's faults, I'm not displeased with how the jumper turned out in the end. It's a little bit tight on me, probably because I failed to check my tension adequately and I know I have a tendency to knit a little tightly, and also because I'm carrying about 10lbs more than I would like since having little J (as these photos testify!). But I love the shaping, and the owls, and the fact that its the first seamless knit I have ever completed!

I'm currently sewing in a vast amount if ends on J's little jacket, and then I just need to sew the arms to the body and it will be done. I'm a little concerned its not going to fit him though - its in the 6-12 month size and although J is not yet 8 months he has been in 9-12 month clothes since January. I might have to squeeze him into it for just a few wears...

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